Permanence is a myth!!!

It’s the biggest fallacy of the human brain and something that never ceases to amaze me: our endless struggle to hold on to everything and refusal to accept change and move on.

We want the world around us to never change. The day should never turn into night, Winters should never go away and summers should never come. We want our children to never grow up and ourselves to stay young for ever. We want all the images that are imprinted on our memories to remain a reality for ever. All we want is permanence, and we spend all our time chasing that impossible dream.

Why are we so afraid to change and let change become a part of us and our lives? Why are we scared to let go of the emotions, people, situations, relationships and everything else around us and allow new ones to take their place? Why are we scared of the unknown? Why don’t we embrace the new, instead of holding on tight to everything that already exists? Is it just the comfort of familiarity? The false sense of security that comes with the knowledge that you’ve been there, done that and lived to tell the tale? I think that the very fact that you’ve lived to tell the tale should make you want to open your palms and let the rain soak you, instead of diving for cover the second you spot grey clouds.

It’s like our old tooth brush and the t-shirt we sleep in… They give us a sense of comfort and familiarity. We know that no matter what else changes in the world while we’re asleep, when we wake up we’ll find these two just where we left them last night. Don’t we treat people, our emotions and life somewhat like that old sleeping t-shirt? We hold on to them because they help us make sense of the madness, sometimes despite the fact that we know it’s time to let them go…

We all hold on to people and our relationships, hoping against hope that they will never change, that everything around them--the way they make us feel, the sense of belongingness--remains permanent. The way they look, the way they behave, the way they react to us… Everything that will made us feel comfortable and gave us a sense of well-being is held on  to very fiercely by us. Mothers do it to their children, couples do it to their better halves and friends do it to each other… We refuse to accept that people have changed, are changing and will always change. And we almost never appreciate the change. We know that life will change. Our wants, dreams and desires change all the time. Then why do we fight the inevitable? Why is it so hard to accept the change?

Our biggest complaint against people is, invariably, “You have changed”, or “You are not the same person anymore”. Life moves on and we grow older, but when it comes to relationships and people, we often live in our pasts. Our bodies might live in the present, but our mind is filled with thoughts of what was. We want to have the same people around us and feel the same emotions always. We fight ourselves and everyone around us so that we can keep living the dream, but it doesn’t really work that way… and ultimately, we are saddened by the change. All because we couldn’t bring ourselves to befriend it, to look it in the face and give it a chance. Instead, we make it out to be a monster, let it disturb us and bother us till we break down.

Life is a journey of constant change and charting new territories. If it was possible, we’d have loved to be presented with the blue print of our lives when we were born. If we could, we’d remain young forever… Live in the same house, have the same friends, love one person and grow old with them. But isn’t the fun of life in going into the unknown and exploring the unexplored? In discovering a new jungle, finding the pond in the middle of the desert and reaching a destination you hadn’t yet imagined…?

Change is what makes life so much fun, makes it an adventure, a trip that is unpredictable. Change is what makes me want to open my eyes every day, knowing that a surprise awaits me and I just need to get out of my bedroom and make it mine. True, sometimes the surprises aren’t as nice as we might have wanted them to be. Sometimes it seems like ‘this’ wasn’t worth the effort of waking up, but I still wouldn’t want to take away that control from life. Because nasty surprises are like a curveball that life throws our way, and we could all do with a little practice on our swerves.

Don’t let change bother you… The lack of it should be the worrisome fact. If we embrace it and treat it like a buddy that will always turn up at unexpected and sometimes inconvenient hours, change can actually be a lot of fun. It brings with it a newness which makes for interesting living…

We have to accept that everything around us will change one day or the other, that nothing can ever remain exactly the same… Days will turn into nights, seasons will change and no matter how hard we try, we will never be 21 again..No matter what the beauty ad’s claim:)

To Say Or Not To Say

I wanted to say it so much and then finally I did… I missed her and I wanted to see her. I had held back, not wanting to say it… But then I finally decided to take the plunge… What happened after that is irrelevant… What’s important is that I was afraid to say it… To say what my heart was feeling, to express my emotions. It’s the question that plagues us all—To Say Or Not To Say.

One of the things that has always been a topic of debate, and for many of us a problem in most of our relationships, is our inability to say what we feel… To express our thoughts and to let the other person know what’s going on in our hearts and minds, regardless of whether it’s good or bad… We’re afraid to tell people when we miss them or when we love them, all because we fear the consequences of our words. We almost never say things the way we feel them, the way they are...

Whether at work or in our relationships, we’re always holding back for fear of getting hurt and having our hearts trampled on. Work, I can understand… It’s a political world with as many egos as there are people, so keeping your mouth shut about how you really feel might be a good idea, but should we do the same in our relationships and in matters of the heart?

Why are we so afraid to tell a person that we care about him or her, and want to be with him or her? Why are we so afraid to tell people when we miss them? When we love them? Why are we so afraid to open up heart and let someone see it?? Is it for the fear of it being broken and not being appreciated…? Why do we let the fear of rejection paralyse us? Why are we so averse to experience even a little bit of hurt? We want to love, we want to be loved, but we don’t want to be hurt… We simply never want to be rejected… We are afraid of showing our vulnerability and are scared of being emotionally manipulated… We’re scared of  hearing something we don’t want to know... All valid fears, I agree. But should those fears be allowed to become bigger than our feelings? Should we keep holding back, keep preempting and gauging the possible reactions to what we say before we express ourselves? Should we keep waiting till we’re sure that our feelings and questions will meet a positive response? Is it even possible to do that?

We can’t eliminate the possibility of getting rejected or hurt or not getting a favourable response… Because love and life don’t come with guarantees. Life doesn’t always pan out the way we want it to, nor do feelings always listen to reason. We can’t manipulate how someone thinks or what they might say... But that shouldn’t stop us from saying what we want to... If you miss someone, say it… If you want someone, say it… If you love someone, say it… Those are your feelings, they’re positive emotions and they should be expressed, if you’re feeling them. You shouldn’t be held back by thoughts of what the response is going to be, or the fear that they will make you vulnerable… Because it’s always better to say what you’re feeling than to not say it at all… There is no love without hurt, there is no emotion without the heart feeling somewhat vulnerable. But some risks are worth taking. We all fear rejection and heartbreak, and so we hide our true thoughts. But sometimes, unless we take that leap of faith and say it, we miss being with the one person that our heart wants… If only we had found the courage within ourselves to just say the words… We lose a friend we could have saved, if only we’d picked up the phone and told him that he was special, or we miss hearing the words ‘I love u too’, because we could never get ourselves to say 'I love you' in the first place. Hurt and rejection and exposing your heart to vulnerability is all a part of living… Say it… Because regret is the worst feeling to live with… Worse than rejection even.