THE HANDBOOK

Statutory Warning :To be read with a sense of humor and dollops of attitude especially by the fairer sex J

He had been going through a lean phase… Sexually as well as emotionally. The man needed a woman and needed her fast. To bring a little colour back into his life, to add a little spice, to shake him out of his intellectual slumber. He’s a close friend, and so it fell on me to rescue him. I introduced him to a wonderful girl and now he can’t stop smiling.

Why did I do it? Because I felt he had practiced enough in the nets, it was time to get on to the field and actually play the sport. That’s how I explained it to him . I believe that flirting with women is exactly like playing cricket. To be a good player, you need to master the nuances of the game. If you understand cricket ..you follow the same rules at flirting too …

Much like cricket, flirting can be classified into three categories. There is the 20:20 format, the 50-over game and the test match. Flirting approaches are somewhat similar. Sometimes you do it the way you’d play a 20:20 game. It’s quick, fun and over in a flash. You need to enter the field armed with your best moves and power play. You need your best lines and sharpest reflexes. One false or ill-timed move and you could be heading back to the pavilion. It’s feel-good and fun.

Then there is the 50-over approach. With some women, flirting is a slower, more drawn-out affair. The tempo rises and falls, depending on the pitch. It’s not about going in all-guns blazing, it’s about waiting for the right moment in the match to make a certain kind of move. It’s a combination of endurance and timing. Not for the flash in the pan variety of men.

And finally there are the Test Matches. The format that made cricket the gentlemen’s game. The Test Match approach needs time, commitment and a lot of technique. A player is worthy only if he can last for a large part of the duration of the match. This approach requires the player to keep at it, not give up and grind it out till he gets the desired results. Flashiness is not going to get the player anywhere in this format.  

Once the player has identified the format he wants to play, he has to gauge the pitch. Like cricket pitches, women differ from each other. So a 20:20 game in India will be played differently than in England, which will be different from when you’re playing Down Under. You have to change your game plan not only to suit the format, but also to suit that particular pitch. It must also be remembered that pitch conditions change with the weather. So depending on whether she’s had a good or bad day, a woman will have two very different reactions to the same master stroke. As a batsman, it’s important to perceive a dangerous ball while it’s hurtling at you and not after it has clean-bowled you. The earlier you read the pitch condictions,the better you are prepared with your shot !!

Like you progress in cricket—from gully cricket to the Ranji level and eventually to the national team, you progress in the levels of flirting too. As a novice, you have to test home waters before you venture out into the ocean. You start domestic, and then move to international. You can’t be pitted against Brett lee at the start of your career. He will squash your confidence and finish off your career even before it starts. It works pretty much the same way with women. You pace yourself and start flirting with women you have a good chance of winning over. You play out of your league before you’re ready and the results could be disastrous. So don’t overextend yourselves at the beginning of your career ..pace yourselves

Like in cricket, experience matters in flirting as well. If you have played for long enough, your memory bank serves as a ready reckoner for any situation you may find yourself in. Sachin Tendulkar is believed to have 4 strokes for every ball that’s thrown at him. Depending on the other variables, he chooses the best stroke to face that ball. That’s experience, my friend! Flirting works in a similar fashion. Depending on who the girl is, you change your response to the same question. And if you are naturally gifted as a Brian Lara was in cricket ,experience can only enhance your natural skills ..

A true enthusiast and player is a person who’s mastered all three versions of the game. You can’t restrict yourself to just one format. That would just limit your growth. To be known as a true ‘player’, you have to learn to play on every pitch in all formats under any conditions!

And lastly, there’s just one more thing a player must never forget: there’s just one good ball or one bad shot standing between you and the next player. So never stop practicing. Even if you’re resting due to an injury, indulge in at least a little net practice. Because when you do decide to come back on the field, you don’t want to get out on duck, do you?

So the rules of cricket and flirting are the same, everyone is just trying to master the game! J