It was the holiday season and by some coincidence I was meant
to be in Delhi on the 25th of December. My ex-girlfriend was having
a Christmas dinner for her friends in Delhi and in that group would also be her
current boyfriend.
Having shared almost 12 years of my life with her I demanded
to be invited for this party and like always it was just banter until she said
that when her current boyfriend heard about me wanting to be there,he said its
either him or me that night and he didn’t want to share the same space as me.
Hmm. It was his way of showing love.
Love; A term we all use to tell someone how special he or
she is. Parents do it to their kids, boyfriends to girlfriends or vice-versa
and friends to each other. We declare our love to show how much they matter to
us and the deep sense of affection we feel towards them.
But what is love? Is it just a feeling of affection, a mix
of passion and affection? What defines love?
This incident with my ex girlfriend and other events of this
year have left me understanding that the only definition of love that will
stand the test of time and which will prove to be the highest form of love, is
that of acceptance. Something that most people who love, don’t feel.
When we love someone or call someone the love of our life ,we
should be able to accept not just the persons good but also the bad, not just
the present but also the past, not just the bright spots from their past life,
that make them the person that they are and we love , but also the dark shadows
that lurk somewhere and that make us uncomfortable
Why does it become so difficult for people to accept someone’s
past?
Is it insecurity, a feeling of “what is she still loves him”
kind of fear? Is it territorial? Like animals that mark their territory and
would not like someone else entering that? Or is it just plain and simple
putting your head in the sand and refusing to acknowledge that the person who
you are with right now was with some one else before that. I have seen many a
times people not being able to accept someone’s past; old girlfriends, old boyfriends,
past relationships and the one questions that has always bothered me has been
….Why does love of today become hostage to someone’s yesterday?
Why do we find it so difficult to accept a person that exists
today and not worry about what he or she did in the past? Why does it become so
difficult to accept and not fight what “has been” which will ruin “what is”?
Why does love have to be about making a choice? Some people
from your past go away on their own and some are there for ever. Why should
what you have today impact what someone else shared in the past.
Why do they have to give up something for them to hold on to
something else? Is that fair and, more importantly, is that really love?
Loving someone is a combination of a lot of things affection,
passion, care but most of all it has to be acceptance. We might care for
someone, have deep passionate feelings, but we can only say we LOVE them, if we
are able to accept them and what they stand for. We might not agree with them, we
might not like it but the past is what has made them who they are today. The
relationships from the past, the people from the past, the events of the past, if
you love someone you have to love the whole package. Selective love is no love
at all. And it cannot be you trying to fit them into a mould that you have in
your head. Accept their past and love
them.
Hope you all had a 2013 that taught you something important
as well…
'Why does love of today become hostage to someone’s yesterday?' - Stellar!
ReplyDeleteIt always seems to be a hostage. I know that. Incredibly, each time I see beyond that cling-on to each others lives it feels better, its as if I am pawed and clawed by a love that only wishes to possess and seeks its own comfort than set us free. A love like the kind you speak about...a love like that is hard to find, rare indeed. I am fortunate to have experienced it in a rare form...however, mostly, I believe, even with those who wish to accept us for the way we are, they themselves are clawed and bruised by the ego of another loved one who proclaims love but isn't really that. I so get this point you are trying to make Samar. This all boils down a lot, in our world to the what-will-others-say and I-will-become-a-laughing-stock fear that makes people slaves to all that is definitely not 'love'.
I read this on Twitter...and I felt as if it was me saying this ~> "He ripped the smile from her face, again. Not all robberies involve a stranger, a weapon, or a getaway car."
Perhaps irrelevant here but your post made me recall this...so yeah.
Hugs