WHO ARE YOU ?

You are not the number of years the calendar says you have lived on this planet.

You are not the weight that the weighing scale gargles up when you stand on it.

You are not the colour of your eyes or your skin.

You are not the reflection in the mirror.

You are not the perfumes you wear or the watches you sport.

You are not the fancy car that you drive or the clothes that drape you.

You are not your bank balance or the credit cards that you carry in your wallet.

You are not the number of deals you clinch or the number of miles you fly.  

You are not your name, the God that you pray to or the religion you follow.

You are not the surname you inherit from your husband or your father or the one thrust upon by civilization. 

But the who are you ??

You are all the books you read and all the words you speak

You’re the smiles that you spread and the tears that you wipe away.

You are the laughter that comes from your heart and the pain that you try not to show the world.

You are the light in your children eyes and the pride in your parents smile.

You are the songs that you sing all alone when no one is listening and the characters you become in your dreams at night

You are all the places that you have been to and the people you made memories with.

You are all the women or men that you have been with and the love (sometimes dejection, real emotions nonetheless!) that they hold in their heart for you.

You are the photos in your bedroom, the notes in your journals and the unsent letters in your drawer.

You are the knick-knacks that you have collected from the paths that you have travelled and the T-shirts you refuse to throw away for the smell that they carry.

You are the past that has made you and the future that beckons to be made.

And yet, more often than not, we define ourselves by measures that were never meant to define us at all.  

Dont Say NO...

It’s a discussion that I have had rather frequently with many and I’m almost always baffled by the arguments that are put forth on this topic. It’s a phenomenon that I have observed at parties, in bars, music concerts; at almost at every place where there is an interaction socially between men and women. There is this palpable air of unapproachability that looms over either of the sexes when trying to build a conversation with the other; a fear of rejection that kills the chance of any kind of relation even before it begins.

Why are we so afraid of rejection? What is so drastic about being rejected that puts so much of doubt in our head about trying anything new? I have heard several reasons on what it means to people, how they doubt their self worth after having faced rejection and how it subsequently how it plays on their confidence levels.How they have had to face rejection in their growing up years ,and how that makes them suffer from low self esteem . I have heard them and understood them. So after considerable theorising on the subject, I will tell you my reasons of why I don’t fear rejection and hopefully they will make some sense.These are my theories and have helped me overcome my fears of rejection

Also before I begin postulating, let me just put it out there, I’m only really talking about rejection in matters of the heart. J

So Here goes…

The one thing that I have always believed in and can be called my mantra is that by being rejected by someone I am not in a worse place than where I was when I started. Think about it, before you approach someone in an effort to begin a relationship, you never had her/him, if she/he rejects you STILL don’t have her/him. So how much of a difference did it make in life to you?

You have to believe that being rejected doesn’t push you back in any way…you will be where you were before. No loss no gain. Think of it as striking of one person from a list of people you might stand a chance with

Now if you have mustered up the courage to make someone a part of your life and you invest your emotions in that but then get rejected, the common complain is that the emotions that got invested were a waste.

Really? Is that completely true? Maybe in the face of soul crushing pain of rejection, the first thing that comes to your mind is what a failure/tragedy that relationship was.

But is it okay to completely disregard the beautiful memories that you created together? What about those moments that were built on these emotions you invested? At that very instant, it made you giddy headed, it made you feel invincible, inexplicably happy. So net net, was it really a waste? I think, not.

If one was to think of the damage that one causes by any manufacturing, nothing would ever be made…anything that is created  will leave some negativity in its wake , but isn’t that stating the obvious? What about the positive that it has created in its fold? No experience will ever leave you with only happy memories and by products ,the negative all also come with it .

Sometimes the main thing that we need to understand about rejection, is that its not about us …its about circumstances. It’s about other things that are happening in someone’s life. It’s about what they are feeling…it’s very easy to make everything especially rejection about us …but its not. Sometimes people reject the idea of a relationship or the chance of a relationship because they don’t want one or they don’t need one or just because THEY and not you, suffer from some fucked up chemical flux in their head. It’s not about what you want…it’s about what they want

And lets admit it being rejected is the by-product of the game of courtship. I believe that feelings don’t cause us hurt and harm. It’s our failure to deal with the consequences of our feelings that cause us pain. If we devise a method to deal with the by products of rejection, then the fear of rejection will no longer scare us. If we start believing that being rejected is not always about us, its not the end of the road and its not put you in any worse spot that you already were in, maybe the fear will stop hounding us .We all have to start thinking that the end result is not always what makes the journey so wonderful, it’s the moments we gather along the way that make it worth it, however it may end.   

So for all those that fear rejection, you have only two choices; One; Keep fearing it and do not step forward, in that case your chances of success are 0% …or step forward and take the leap…chances of success 50%.

Even mathematically it makes logical sense! So don’t be afraid of No, just be prepared for it. And remember, it might just be a YES ;)