Friday 21 December 2012

THE HANDBOOK


Statutory Warning :To be read with a sense of humor and dollops of attitude especially by the fairer sex J


He had been going through a lean phase… Sexually as well as emotionally. The man needed a woman and needed her fast. To bring a little colour back into his life, to add a little spice, to shake him out of his intellectual slumber. He’s a close friend, and so it fell on me to rescue him. I introduced him to a wonderful girl and now he can’t stop smiling.
Why did I do it? Because I felt he had practiced enough in the nets, it was time to get on to the field and actually play the sport. That’s how I explained it to him . I believe that flirting with women is exactly like playing cricket. To be a good player, you need to master the nuances of the game. If you understand cricket ..you follow the same rules at flirting too …

Much like cricket, flirting can be classified into three categories. There is the 20:20 format, the 50-over game and the test match. Flirting approaches are somewhat similar. Sometimes you do it the way you’d play a 20:20 game. It’s quick, fun and over in a flash. You need to enter the field armed with your best moves and power play. You need your best lines and sharpest reflexes. One false or ill-timed move and you could be heading back to the pavilion. It’s feel-good and fun.
Then there is the 50-over approach. With some women, flirting is a slower, more drawn-out affair. The tempo rises and falls, depending on the pitch. It’s not about going in all-guns blazing, it’s about waiting for the right moment in the match to make a certain kind of move. It’s a combination of endurance and timing. Not for the flash in the pan variety of men.
And finally there are the Test Matches. The format that made cricket the gentlemen’s game. The Test Match approach needs time, commitment and a lot of technique. A player is worthy only if he can last for a large part of the duration of the match. This approach requires the player to keep at it, not give up and grind it out till he gets the desired results. Flashiness is not going to get the player anywhere in this format.  
Once the player has identified the format he wants to play, he has to gauge the pitch. Like cricket pitches, women differ from each other. So a 20:20 game in India will be played differently than in England, which will be different from when you’re playing Down Under. You have to change your game plan not only to suit the format, but also to suit that particular pitch. It must also be remembered that pitch conditions change with the weather. So depending on whether she’s had a good or bad day, a woman will have two very different reactions to the same master stroke. As a batsman, it’s important to perceive a dangerous ball while it’s hurtling at you and not after it has clean-bowled you. The earlier you read the pitch condictions,the better you are prepared with your shot !!
Like you progress in cricket—from gully cricket to the Ranji level and eventually to the national team, you progress in the levels of flirting too. As a novice, you have to test home waters before you venture out into the ocean. You start domestic, and then move to international. You can’t be pitted against Brett lee at the start of your career. He will squash your confidence and finish off your career even before it starts. It works pretty much the same way with women. You pace yourself and start flirting with women you have a good chance of winning over. You play out of your league before you’re ready and the results could be disastrous. So don’t overextend yourselves at the beginning of your career ..pace yourselves
Like in cricket, experience matters in flirting as well. If you have played for long enough, your memory bank serves as a ready reckoner for any situation you may find yourself in. Sachin Tendulkar is believed to have 4 strokes for every ball that’s thrown at him. Depending on the other variables, he chooses the best stroke to face that ball. That’s experience, my friend! Flirting works in a similar fashion. Depending on who the girl is, you change your response to the same question. And if you are naturally gifted as a Brian Lara was in cricket ,experience can only enhance your natural skills ..
A true enthusiast and player is a person who’s mastered all three versions of the game. You can’t restrict yourself to just one format. That would just limit your growth. To be known as a true ‘player’, you have to learn to play on every pitch in all formats under any conditions!

And lastly, there’s just one more thing a player must never forget: there’s just one good ball or one bad shot standing between you and the next player. So never stop practicing. Even if you’re resting due to an injury, indulge in at least a little net practice. Because when you do decide to come back on the field, you don’t want to get out on duck, do you?

So the rules of cricket and flirting are the same, everyone is just trying to master the game! J


Tuesday 4 December 2012

Coffee With the EX


It was a relationship that had to end one day... We wanted different things from life. But it had lasted for 8 years. We’d gone from being acquaintances to close friends to lovers… Seen many ups and downs together, shared many happy and sad moments… She had been an integral part of my life. But it had ended. She was finally an EX.
A few months later she called. She was in town and wanted to meet up for coffee. We’d not spoken to each other in this time. She needed the time to move on. But now she wanted to have coffee. Which made me think about this much-used phrase: “Coffee with an ex”. 
Most of the time when a relationship (and I’m classifying a relationship as something that lasts for at least 6 months) ends, it’s never with the consent of both the people involved… Sometimes relationships end because the needs from that relationship have changed. Or one of the two is disillusioned by it… Like when one person cheats on the other or when they have a massive fight. Very rarely will it be a decision taken mutually with both the people sitting across the table and having a sane, sensible discussion.
I think that’s what this first coffee with an ex is meant to be—a chance to sit across the table and have that first conversation... Without reproach and recrimination, to make sure that the issues that we keep in our hearts and hold on to for the rest of our lives get resolved… Not just for the sake of closure so that we can focus on our current relationship, but also so that we don’t end up carrying baggage from that relationship for the rest of our lives.
I feel that this coffee helps to clear the air. Everyone has reasons for doing what they did; we might not understand or accept those reasons, but if we just hear the other person out, we give ourselves the option of understanding their reasons. Maybe not immediately or even in the near future… But some day, when the hurt fades away, we might be able to understand… And it might help the next relationship we’re in.

Most of the time in relationships, women tend to sweep problems under the carpet and don't discuss it. I think this coffee is the time for the woman to finally have her say… To vent their feelings and say everything they’ve kept locked up in their hearts... And men should be ready for that. To hear and to listen… To let the woman let it all out… They need it… They need to discuss why it ended… what went wrong... The problems that were never discussed… It’s their catharsis... It’s their way of cleansing the past and making a fresh start... And this coffee should be treated like that... For both parties to silently embrace their share of the responsibility and move on... To accept that mistakes were made and to forgive each other...

And there’s a reason why it’s over coffee guys! It’s safe and on neutral ground. It’s in public view. I believe that this coffee should happen at exactly the right time... Not when the embers from the past are still too hot to handle, nor when they’ve become cold and died. It has to happen when the relationship is at the right temperature. Don't ever try having a drink with an ex before you have this coffee... With the wrong beverage, the results might be totally different! :)

Life is too short for us to hold grudges… To feel animosity towards someone who’s been a major part of your life... We all deserve the chance to make our peace with our pasts so that it doesn’t ruin our present and future. The door to the past needs to be shut and bolted. But not just from one side, it needs to be locked from both sides of the doorframe. So this coffee with an ex can be the final end of an old relationship or the beginning of a new friendship. My coffee was the beginning of a new friendship... Maybe next time, we can catch up for a drink. :)