Friday 24 June 2011

We chase ..we chase …we chase …until we drop dead


The race actually starts even before we are born, because if we weren't the fastest sperm to catch the egg, even birth would not have happened, so maybe it's not a surprise that from that moment onwards, the rest of our lives are spent chasing after one thing after another and our lives turn into this mad race during which we never stop to breathe, never take a moment to enjoy what we have.. enjoy the sights and smells around us and savour the life that we have been given... all because we've been programmed to chase and chase and chase... Till we drop dead.

Don’t you remember the time when we were kids and were taught that we have to chase after the highest position? Our self worth was based on how fast we ran, or how high we finished. How far we left the closest competitor behind, and god help you if you stopped for a moment to enjoy the victory you worked so hard for. No, the chase was on again for the next level, the next position or the next medal.. We were told that standing still and savoring the victory was not worth it, because there were greater goals to be chased down... bigger positions to make our own, higher benchmarks to be reached... And so the chase started again. When we had the toy that we really wanted, we wanted the new toy that came into the market. When we had the newest dress in the store, we wanted the one that someone else had... Because suddenly ours wasn't pretty enough and theirs was way better... when we had the prettiest girl in the class on our arms, we wanted the prettiest girl in the school. Someone or something was always better than what we had and so the chase began again... When we finished at the top of the class, we chased the record that was set by a somebody we didn't even know. But suddenly, beating them became crucial to our happiness
Why were we never taught that the journey of life is about enjoying the path instead of seeking the thrill of the chase? Why were we, as kids, never explained that it isn't so much about the speed at which you drive yourself on the road of life, but the route that you take and the joy that the journey gives us that truly matters? Why were we never made to understand that life isn't about reaching a pre-decided destination, but about enjoying every moment of that journey, and sometimes about letting the wind blow us in directions and on paths we'd never considered ourselves? When our lives are driven by the compulsive need to chase and conquer, don’t we surround ourselves with negative emotions?? Do we really want to spend our lives looking over our shoulder to see how far behind our closest competitor is? Does it really matter if we reach our goal a few minutes after we thought we would? Why are we consumed with jealously at the thought of  someone overtaking us? Why do we set ourselves up for that gut-wrenching feeling loss and despair if we don’t make it where we wanted to, if we don’t get what we want or finish at the top? It's because we make the destination so important that we forget that the journey was the fun that was to be had ..

We do this chasing in our work, in our relationships and in everything else of significance to us. We simply never stop chasing... From one destination to another, from one dream to another. We run at such high speed from the moment we are born, convinced that if we run fast enough, nothing and no one will be able to catch up. But that isn't quite how it works out, does it. Because one day, life does catch up and demands an explanation... And unfortunately, for most of us, by then it's probably too late. It's at that time that we realise that the summit that has been reached is not the final summit and we have to chase again.. It's at that time we realise that the grey in our hair is not because we savoured every moment of that journey, but because we were just so caught up in running at breakneck speed...

We chase happiness too... We chase the person who we feel will give us the happiness we seek, but what do we do when we get that person? We don’t cherish the moments we have with them, simply because we're programmed to become restless and start chasing for something bigger, something better. Suddenly, that happiness isn't enough and it's imperative that we move on to the next target before we're nudged out of the race. Teach your kids that life is a journey and not a never-ending race... It's about moments and not some finite destination that they must reach... It's about the sights and sounds and smells that are waiting to greet us, if only we let them, by the wayside on the road called life. But we can only enjoy them when we stop running after the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow Because the pot of gold will never be enough... But what can be enough is the joy that you experience while living that journey... If only you let it.
A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving anywhere, because no one knows what the final destination really is...

Wednesday 15 June 2011

Relationships come with an expiry date ...Love Shouldn't


I stand in my apartment balcony at 11.45 this Tuesday night and see the twinkling lights of the city in the distance… there's nothing more beautiful and enthralling than the night and a clear sky after a bout of rain that has swept away the dust… I love the night and its beauty... but somewhere inside is the fear of losing it... I know that in a couple of hours, the sun will rise and take this beauty away… It's inevitable… This night, like every other night, is mine for only a certain number of hours... It comes with an end written at the time of its beginning…
Aren't  human relationships something like this night that I'm standing and enjoying in my balcony? What has to start has to end, and what has begun will conclude Don’t we all know that??? And if we do, then why do we try so hard to hold on to relationships? Sometimes, we try so hard that we suffocate ourselves, making the next breath impossible to take Why do we allow the pain of a breakup to become so intense that the heart feels like it will stop beating? Is it because we are afraid of loss, or is it because we've not accepted that whatever starts will end, and whatever begins will one day fade away. It's something similar to what we did as children We all had a toy which we loved the most, much more than all our other toys… We loved it so much that the fear of losing that toy sometimes took away from the joy of playing with it… We hid it from the world, didn't let anyone ever touch it and many of us lost sleep, worrying about what we'd do if someone was to take that toy away from us. The thought was so unbearable, and we spent so much time worrying, that we didn't have enough time to enjoy the toy, to experience the pleasure of playing with it while we still had it. For most of us, that child still lingers somewhere inside. We're still scared of losing the toy to someone or something. And that fear makes us forget that now is the time to play with it, to make the most of it and make the best of the time we have with it. Won't our lives and relationships improve if we simply accept that all relationships come with an expire date, that there will come a day when two people realise that they've enjoyed everything they had to give to each other and have made the most of their time together??? That it's time to finally let the toy go...
Why do we meet people??? Why are we attracted to that one person in the crowd?? I think it's our energy that attracts other energies. My theory is that we're constantly drawn to, and attract people who will fulfill what we are missing in our lives at that point in time... Like yin and yang… A vital part of the energy that'll make us complete is missing and from somewhere in the universe, somebody is sent to complete us And we complete them But what happens when that energy is completed and we feel a sense of fulfillment?? Is it time to quietly let go, without pain and recrimination, or draw something out till what was once beautiful becomes distorted and ugly? Because pain is inevitable if we stretch something out even after karma and nature have run its course. When we hold on to karma unnaturally, we cause hurt and grief… A relationship should be a celebration of the time spent together, not a preparation for the pain that it's end will bring with it. Because all relationships come with expiry dates, but love shouldn’t.

As I stand in my balcony, I know that the sun will rise in a few hours and take away my cherished night... But I also know that it will set again, and the night will be back again It's simply karma; if something is taken away from you, it will come back eventually At least we can live in that hope… But even if it doesn't, we can still hold on to love… Because it's a feeling that comes with no expiry date… … I was looking up the meaning of the word 'love' and wherever I looked, it didn't mention anything about possession, holding on tight, or keeping something or someone for keeps. All I found was that it's an emotion to be felt deep inside, onei that should liberate, not suffocate... We suffocate our love when we tie it down within the confines of a relationship…

Kaanch ke Khwab hain …
Anknon main chobh jayenge …
Palko main lena inhe …
Anknon main ruk jayenge ..
Yeh raat hain Khwab ki
Phir wahi raat hain
Raat hain khwab ki ..
Dekha karnge tumhe ..
Raat hain khwab ki…


Thankyou Gulzar saab …..


Saturday 11 June 2011

Is the curse of the human race that we JUDGE ..


We are born free ..free of thoughts …free of prejudices and free of any malice …free from love ..free from affection ..free from wanting to hold on to anything …but somewhere down the road of life we are given the curse that we have to bear for the rest of lives ….we are fed with an ability which society and our surroundings almost shove down our throat ..the ability and the habit to JUDGE

We judge people on the basis of everything ..from what they wear to what they speak to what they eat ..how they look ..how they live their life and sometimes even on the basis of who they hang out with …we judge them to be good …or bad …we judge to be too intelligent for us ..we judge them to be too dumb for us ..we judge them to be morally inferior to us and we judge them for almost everything they do.We become so engrossed in this judging process that we forget that we were born free of these judgements …if not physically then mentally we are born equal  ..born clean of thoughts ….life implants them into our head ..
What makes us feel superior to another human being??? …what makes one person good and the other person bad ???..why do we look at everybody and want to fit them into some image  that we have in our head of a prototype??? ….does it give us a sense of comfort that we now know this person cause we have fitted them into a mould ….does it make us feel less vulnerable or does it make us feel not so bad about our own self ….I have always wondered ..and I have always wanted to know why do we judge ….
We have people around us whose choices sometimes we don’t agree on and we judge them without knowing that we are doing so …we look at them with pity if we feel that their choices will lead them to what we think is unhappiness and moral degradation  …when you judge someone for a choice that person makes ,you are questioning the very basis of all human relationships and you are actually doing it for selfish reasons  .. …My theory is that when we  judge someone else ..we are just wanting to feel superior about ourselves  ..otherwise how will we be able to justify our choice of lifestyle ????.... if we feel that the other person is happy in what he feels or sees correct ..then doesn’t our choice seem wrong and theirs better?? ….. And that would mean questioning everything that we have felt has been right for us till know ..

I get judged a lot ..by friends ..by peers and by my family too …they accept me but almost always grudgingly ..sometimes because they don’t feel like picking an argument or sometime for other reasons …if they had a choice would they like me to be changed and conform to their defination of right and wrong ??….almost always!! …..it used to not matter to me …but today it did …cause someone got called something in a conversation just because that person was MY friend …so that person got slotted into a prototype …it was not that they were judging that person they judged me and by default another human being also ….because I only can be around a “certain” kind of people …
Why did it hurt me today to be judged ..because sometimes you get tired putting up a facade of being happy that you are being accepted grudgingly ….and that too by your friends ..a term I am using for people who you don’t mind showing your real self too …and hope that they love you for who you are …we should not be putting up a façade of any behavior but we do ..all to be accepted and not to be judged …we sometimes hide our emotions cause we fear being judged…..we sometimes run away from life cause we are judged …….and if we cant handle it we end up in a coffin ….cause then we cant handle looking at  ourselves …as the world has already passed its judgement on us

We all get painted by a brush …the brush of judgement …its your luck what color you pick up when life brushes you with that brush …its not  in your hands
so why bother ….because no one ever  will stop judging you …