Dair Lagi Par Maine Jeena Seekh Liya

On the outside, she’s just like any other girl. 30, Sindhi, fighting the pressure to marry, settle down, raise a couple of kids… If family could have their way, by now she’d have been parceled off to her husband’s house. But on the inside, Arty is not any other girl. She’s doing what most of us think about, but never get down to actually doing—she’s chasing happiness.

To the world, it might seem like a stupid move. Why would you chuck it all—the comfort of a family home, a steady income and the familiarity of the known? Why would someone voluntarily walk into a future where they have no idea what comes next? And yet, Arty’s doing exactly that. A few days ago, I saw her off with a one-way ticket to Manali. She’ll stay there till the money runs out or until she finds what makes her happy. Why? Because Arty’s decided it’s never too late to be what you might have been. She doesn’t know what’s missing from her life, but she’s figured now is as good a time as any to find out.

Even as little kids, we’ve always worked with a plan. First you work towards getting acceptable marks, “beta, arts ya commerce?”, then towards the university you want to go to “IIT ya IIM?”, then the company you want to work for, at the designation you want to work at. Every step of the way is planned meticulously, with very little left to chance. Love, relationships, family, everything becomes a calculated decision, a cog in the giant wheel called a well-planned life. Somewhere, amid this tearing, pressing need to plan and execute, we lose the will to make a choice. We stop listening to our hearts and give in to our brains. The voice of passion, of excitement and adventure becomes dimmer and dimmer as the voices of reason scream in our ears. So many times, we don’t make life choices, we simply eliminate risk from it. What’s left becomes our life’s path. We don’t give ourselves the option to try 20 things and figure which one we love best, because we’re all too afraid we’ll miss the bus to moneyville.

I often wonder why I chose to go to NDA… Was it because I wanted to join the army or was it because I didn’t want to study for engineering exams? Or was it simply the safest and cheapest education option available to me at the time... Did I choose or did I make answer. I remember thinking at least I’d have a secure career and a guaranteed income. I wonder what life would be like if I hadn’t been thrown out for indiscipline. Today, I love what I do, but if I hadn’t been thrown out and forced to face the darkness of uncertainty, would I have had the courage to chuck it all and start afresh? Look for a life and a passion outside my comfort zone? Who amongst us has the courage to go reverse the car while it is cruising in the fourth gear? Again, I don’t know.

I wish we had more courage. I wish we hadn’t made our peace with going from jungle tigers to zoo tigers. Sure, it’s comfortable to have food delivered to the cage like clockwork. But are tigers meant to be caged? Tigers are meant to hunt, not be fed. Why do we forget that? Why do we become so enslaved by paycheque that we refuse to consider any option that might threaten that security? Taking a u-turn isn’t a bad thing. What if we were to find our dream house on a lane we entered on a whim? What if we found ourselves while wandering in a jungle we thought we’d gotten lost in? That’s what life is about—second chances. For people and for ourselves.

Sometimes taking a u-turn feels like a mammoth task. We lose the confidence in ourselves to revive old skills or learn new ones. But I don’t think that’s true. If you’re a tiger, hunting is in your blood and you’ll always retain it. It’s like cycling or swimming or simply having sex guys... You might get rusty but if you just practise a few times, it all comes back. It’s just about taking that leap of faith and taking the first few tentative steps.

It’s not just in careers that we can take U-turns… the same rules apply in our personal lives too... We don’t have to continue being with someone or carrying the weight of a dead relationship if the original reasons for what made that relationship work are no longer valid. Sometimes mistakes happen. And sometimes people just change and are no longer right for each other. I got married… And to someone who most men would give their right arm to marry... Most people must have wondered why we got divorced. But I knew it wasn’t right for me anymore. The relationship wasn’t a mistake, but continuing to be in it would have been one. Sure, there will be opposition. The fear of what we stand to lose can be crippling. But if in your heart you know that it isn’t right for you, then that’s all the reason you need. If you don’t feel like waking up in the morning and going to work, it’s time to shift gears…

Yes, it’s not always easy. Sometimes you can’t think about just yourself. Sometimes our lives are so inter-connected with people’s that taking a U-turn would mean not just changing the course of our own lives, but those of all the people around us. Spouses, children, parents, they’re all part of the circus that keep the shackles of logic and doing the right thing firmly in place. I don’t say we lead our lives independent of the people who depend on us. All I say is, sometimes, it’s okay to put ourselves ahead. Maybe it has to start with a laughably small gesture—liking giving up on that extra assignment to make time for guitar classes twice a week. Maybe it would mean an iPad 2 instead of an iPad 3 for junior. Or travelling economy instead of business class… But would that be so bad? All I’m saying is, while it’s okay to wait till the mortgage is paid off and the children have left the nest before you switch lanes on the highway of life, but it’s important to keep the dream alive. And keep feeding it little nuggets of hope. It’s important to keep giving yourself a reason to believe that the dream will be realised. And that you and no one else is its architect. The good thing about dreams is that they don’t come with an expiry date... You can take the U-turn at any time. You just have to find a way to do it. Just like you found a way to sneak in ice cream even when it wasn’t allowed... Or the way you jumped across the wall to the girl’s hostel. If we want it badly enough, we make it happen. I hope all my friends want to be happy as badly as I do, in life. Because then they’ll find a way too.

I hope Arty finds the path to happiness in the mountains of Manali… Kyunki dair lagi par usne jeena seekh liya...