Thursday 30 August 2012

Dair Lagi Par Maine Jeena Seekh Liya


On the outside, shes just like any other girl. 30, Sindhi, fighting the pressure to marry, settle down, raise a couple of kids If family could have their way, by now shed have been parceled off to her husbands house. But on the inside, Arty is not any other girl. Shes doing what most of us think about, but never get down to actually doingshes chasing happiness.

To the world, it might seem like a stupid move. Why would you chuck it allthe comfort of a family home, a steady income and the familiarity of the known? Why would someone voluntarily walk into a future where they have no idea what comes next? And yet, Artys doing exactly that. A few days ago, I saw her off with a one-way ticket to Manali. Shell stay there till the money runs out or until she finds what makes her happy. Why? Because Artys decided its never too late to be what you might have been. She doesnt know whats missing from her life, but shes figured now is as good a time as any to find out.

Even as little kids, weve always worked with a plan. First you work towards getting acceptable marks, beta, arts ya commerce?, then towards the university you want to go to IIT ya IIM?, then the company you want to work for, at the designation you want to work at. Every step of the way is planned meticulously, with very little left to chance. Love, relationships, family, everything becomes a calculated decision, a cog in the giant wheel called a well-planned life. Somewhere, amid this tearing, pressing need to plan and execute, we lose the will to make a choice. We stop listening to our hearts and give in to our brains. The voice of passion, of excitement and adventure becomes dimmer and dimmer as the voices of reason scream in our ears. So many times, we dont make life choices, we simply eliminate risk from it. Whats left becomes our lifes path. We dont give ourselves the option to try 20 things and figure which one we love best, because were all too afraid well miss the bus to moneyville.

I often wonder why I chose to go to NDA Was it because I wanted to join the army or was it because I didnt want to study for engineering exams? Or was it simply the safest and cheapest education option available to me at the time... Did I choose or did I make answer. I remember thinking at least Id have a secure career and a guaranteed income. I wonder what life would be like if I hadnt been thrown out for indiscipline. Today, I love what I do, but if I hadnt been thrown out and forced to face the darkness of uncertainty, would I have had the courage to chuck it all and start afresh? Look for a life and a passion outside my comfort zone? Who amongst us has the courage to go reverse the car while it is cruising in the fourth gear? Again, I dont know.

I wish we had more courage. I wish we hadnt made our peace with going from jungle tigers to zoo tigers. Sure, its comfortable to have food delivered to the cage like clockwork. But are tigers meant to be caged? Tigers are meant to hunt, not be fed. Why do we forget that? Why do we become so enslaved by paycheque that we refuse to consider any option that might threaten that security? Taking a u-turn isnt a bad thing. What if we were to find our dream house on a lane we entered on a whim? What if we found ourselves while wandering in a jungle we thought wed gotten lost in? Thats what life is aboutsecond chances. For people and for ourselves.

Sometimes taking a u-turn feels like a mammoth task. We lose the confidence in ourselves to revive old skills or learn new ones. But I dont think thats true. If youre a tiger, hunting is in your blood and youll always retain it. Its like cycling or swimming or simply having sex guys... You might get rusty but if you just practise a few times, it all comes back. Its just about taking that leap of faith and taking the first few tentative steps.

Its not just in careers that we can take U-turns the same rules apply in our personal lives too... We dont have to continue being with someone or carrying the weight of a dead relationship if the original reasons for what made that relationship work are no longer valid. Sometimes mistakes happen. And sometimes people just change and are no longer right for each other. I got married And to someone who most men would give their right arm to marry... Most people must have wondered why we got divorced. But I knew it wasnt right for me anymore. The relationship wasnt a mistake, but continuing to be in it would have been one. Sure, there will be opposition. The fear of what we stand to lose can be crippling. But if in your heart you know that it isnt right for you, then thats all the reason you need. If you dont feel like waking up in the morning and going to work, its time to shift gears

Yes, its not always easy. Sometimes you cant think about just yourself. Sometimes our lives are so inter-connected with peoples that taking a U-turn would mean not just changing the course of our own lives, but those of all the people around us. Spouses, children, parents, theyre all part of the circus that keep the shackles of logic and doing the right thing firmly in place. I dont say we lead our lives independent of the people who depend on us. All I say is, sometimes, its okay to put ourselves ahead. Maybe it has to start with a laughably small gestureliking giving up on that extra assignment to make time for guitar classes twice a week. Maybe it would mean an iPad 2 instead of an iPad 3 for junior. Or travelling economy instead of business class But would that be so bad? All Im saying is, while its okay to wait till the mortgage is paid off and the children have left the nest before you switch lanes on the highway of life, but its important to keep the dream alive. And keep feeding it little nuggets of hope. Its important to keep giving yourself a reason to believe that the dream will be realised. And that you and no one else is its architect. The good thing about dreams is that they dont come with an expiry date... You can take the U-turn at any time. You just have to find a way to do it. Just like you found a way to sneak in ice cream even when it wasnt allowed... Or the way you jumped across the wall to the girls hostel. If we want it badly enough, we make it happen. I hope all my friends want to be happy as badly as I do, in life. Because then theyll find a way too.


I hope Arty finds the path to happiness in the mountains of Manali Kyunki dair lagi par usne jeena seekh liya...

2 comments:

  1. We don't have the courage to live because 'courage' is no more an ingredient in the norms of 'knowledge' floating around us....'knowledge' that is canned and fed to some of us and spills overs to reach the rest of us....

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  2. :) so honest and straightforward. holding on to our individual truths is a part of spirituality which helps us pause and relook. i think everyone can make a U-turn if required. you have so much intuitive thoughtfulness. inspiring article and hope all your friends find their happiness..and you too.

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